So there I was, minding my own business, daydreaming about this totally awesome person... And I get a text message saying "I can't stop thinking about him! Why can I not not think about him?!" Now, we're both big fans of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. So I immediately text back, not even thinking, "Woah. What a crazy random happenstance." Yeah okay so that reference was a bit of a stretch but you get what I'm saying, right? Well, he/she did not. Then we had this long, actually very deep conversation about depression, therapy, what and who helps aside from therapy... It was actually sort of nice. Except that all the while there was this unwelcome third party lingering in the conversation like a ghost, because my crush was thinking of him the whole time and we both knew it.
So I was friends with this person way before this other guy was. And I'm not saying that to stake a claim, I'm saying that so you can maybe better understand my agony when I say that this person is very open about the fact that it was this other guy who pulled her/him out of his/her depression. Not me. It kills me to know that I was this person's friend for months, and apparently never did a damn fucking thing to help his depression. And I do entirely blame myself.
I used to be so damn vigilant about catching signs of depression in people, even when they tried to cover it up. I had a sort of gift for it, really. I would find the most depressed people around on pure instinct and observation, and I would do whatever I could to help them pull out of it. Because that's just the type of person I've always been. But I was new to the school this year, transferred from the other side of the city. I was so busy making sure I kept in touch with my old friends that I forgot to get in touch with my new ones. This person who I like might have been happier much sooner if I had been paying just a little fucking attention.
If I had been paying just a little fucking attention, this person might be thinking of me, and dreaming of me every night. Instead I'm forced to sit and cooperate and listen to hear all about this other guy. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad as fuck that my crush is
